It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
