Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
