i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
