Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
