NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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