If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
