....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Shame - the story of my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
