So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
