Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
