Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
