i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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