I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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