I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We don't watch enough power rangers
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He shit in the fireplace
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
