im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
