So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
