FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
