i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
