Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
