the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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