First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
