i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
