Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
