Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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