She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
