He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would ride that face into the sunset
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
