Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
