I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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