I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
