Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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