It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
