Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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