On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Panties = found
Randomize
