She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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