I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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