i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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