woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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