I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
