hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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