the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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