Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
