Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
