Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
