I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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