So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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