drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
