they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
