All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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