Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
