He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"it" just moved
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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