At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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